Santorum Passive-Aggressively Endorses Romney In Email

"What? Burying an endorsement in an email isn't cool these days? An endorsement is an endorsement, Jay. He's lucky I didn't write it out with flaming bags of dog poop."

Rick Santorum of the Losing-the-GOP-Nomination-Santorums doesn't like Mitt Romney. And not in that, "All is far in love and politics," "let's have a good ol' roudy-bout and give them a show" competitive sort of way. No. This is a real, tangible, deep-seated John McCain-esque dislike, where disdain is covered in a patina of smirk and a low register grumble. Where all smiles are asymmetrical, Dick Cheney style, and all endorsements are said through grit teeth. Or, in the case of Santorum endorsing My Fair Mittens via email.

Mad harsh, son.

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Mitt Romney Can See Clearly Now That the Rick Santorum Rain Is Gone

Glorious day! Mitt "Mittens" Romney has bounded from his winter dwelling and into springtime's nomination meadow. His old, thick winter hair coat now shed, and now the candidate is sporting a shorter, shiner new thicket of Ken doll like hair. But what has brought the rose back to his robotic cheeks? What has returned the dew to his eyes designed by a genetic lab in the basement of Monsanto?

Is it? Can it? Dare it be true?

DING-DONG THE SANTORUM IS DEAD!

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President Obama Enjoys Hot Dog While GOP Delegate Deathmatch Rages On

Last night as results rolled in from GOP races in Alabama, Mississippi and Hawaii, current Commander-In-Chief Barack Obama was busy hot dogging his way through some March Madness, taking UK Prime Minister David Cameron to a basketball game. It was essentially the most high powered form of a play date you could ever have.

But while other heads of state were chowing down and discussing their sports of choice -- the GOP continued its quixotic and often demoralizing race to find out who gets to go up against Obama in the fall.

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President Obama Numbers Are Up (And So Is "Obama Derangement Syndrome")

I've always been fascinated in the disconnect between those enraged with President Obama versus his typically much more moderate or typical responses. They see some foaming at the mouth radical, tossing around handouts and sending out assassination squads and I just see this ...

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Santorum Sez: Going to College Turns You Into Barack Obama

As if that's a bad thing.

Rick Santorum, college graduate and presidential candidate, recently argued that Barack Obama, college graduate and current president of the United States, was a "snob" because he wanted all Americans to have the opportunity to go to college. Santorum argued that this seemingly benign thing had malevolent intent because college is the place Liberals are made -- or something. Ignoring the fact that pretty much everyone running for president, including himself, went to college, and in the case of the GOP candidates, somehow they all went to college and weren't turned into sodomites and radical black leftists. Nope. They went to college and are still their same obnoxious, narcissistic selves. Because, as you know, college is a place where you get an education, not a "re-education."

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Rick Santorum Is All Up In Your Elections, Stealing Your Non-Binding Delegates

Adding to the bizarreness of an already bizarre GOP race for a presidential nominee, Rick Santorum won three non-binding Republican contests in Minnesota, Missouri and Colorado. No one gets any delegates. (Missouri's contest was a "beauty pageant" the other 76 ethereal delegates up for grabs between Minnesota and Colorado are mired in some procedural gobbly-gook.) But more valuable than that, the winner gets an extended media narrative! Yes! Today is Rick Santorum's day to demand that people pay attention to him and his win and not "blah, blah why does everyone hate Mittens?"

But seriously, the press asks, "Why does everyone HATE Mittens?"

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Perry Drops White House Bid; ABC News Has An Ex-Wife Bomb For Newt; Nobody Knows Who Won Iowa

Rick Perry (Click to Enlarge)Rick Perry, in his effort to be your man in Washington, has finally realized it's time to pick up his Buzz Lightyear and Woody cowboy dolls and threats against our NATO allies and go home to Austin. I imagine there will be a lot of grimacing and pouting, but the dude had to go home at some time. He was polling at four percent in South Carolina ahead of the primary.

Does this mean he's going to skip out on tonight's CNN debate? Considering how much Perry loved the debates that proved he was unelectable, I'm going to guess he's watching this one from the TV in his hotel room.

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GOP Candidates Show Up For A Fight, But ABC Insists On A Debate Breaking Out

Somewhere, in-between me knitting booties for little Blue Illuminati Carter, the GOP had two debates this weekend leading up to the New Hampshire primary. The first debate, hosted by ABC News had so much promise, starting off with a lot of angry posturing, testy exchanges, harrumphing and epic put downs, but for some reason, ABC thought it would be way too exciting to watch six men on the edge of a breakdown lose their collective shit on stage, so they zapped all the life out that sucker by making the debate about how much Mitt Romney hates "hypothetical" questions about gay people and abortions.

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Hey Everybody, Let's All Look At Rick Santorum Now!

Despite my many, many protestations to anyone taking Rick Santorum seriously, Santorum had to go and almost tie Mittens for a win in Iowa. Even though ol' Santy lost by eight votes, he's a "winner" since two weeks ago he was polling around four percent in Iowa. Of course, this ignores that GOP voters have played "Anybody But Romney" with pretty much everyone and it was now Santorum's turn. (Will it ever be Jon Huntsman's turn? Hahahahahaha. No.) 

But Santy's the one (for now). So let's all look at him, shall we?

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