Clutch Magazine: Let's Get This Over With, Re-Elect Obama 2012

When I'm not working on a TV show, I'm still writing columns for Clutch and I'm beat, man. Straight up just beat ... down over election 2012. I'm ready to get this over with, aren't you? I wrote: "President Obama is flawed. He’s not your personal savior or unicorn. If anything, I think he actually has a lot more in common with his more starry-eyed supporters in 2008 because he really did think he could just show up in Washington talking all measured, positive and rational and change the game. But politics is a disease that has no desire of being cured. This is why a true, feral political animal like Bill Clinton thrived so well in that putrid swamp of double-speak and lies. President Obama doesn’t really want that stink on him, but hey, buddy, are we going to do this or what?"

So go vote. Vote. Please. Just do it, OK? I'm begging you. Sweet Lord. Take some personal agency this election season. If only so you can put up your "Don't Blame Me, I Voted For Kodos" sticker. Some bet on the numbers, bet on dice, bet on NFL football, bet on craps, bet on Vegas -- I'm betting on my vote counting. I hope you're betting on yours.

Read the full post on Clutch Magazine Online here.

More after the jump.

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"White People Are Back!" And Other Moments From Hardcore Paul Ryan Rap (Video)

He's like Ron Paul meets Ryan Seacrest, but with a lot more "m-fers." Yet, even in all this Beastie Boys-esque Ryan P90Sex braggadocio, my favorite part is the cluelessness of fake Mitt Romney who kind of plops around like the floppy android he is. Second best line (after "White people are back") is "Screw the sick and the poor like Jesus said ... if he had lived to read 'The Fountainhead.'"

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MSNBC: Biden Suggests Team Romney is Pro-Chains While Going Off The Chain

My favorite fake picture of Vice President Joe Biden. (Via The Onion)In my first ever post for MSNBC's new Lean Forward web site, I tackled America's favorite crazy grandpa, Mad Dawg Joe Biden, as he tossed some red meat to a mostly black crowd in Virginia this week. Papa Joe suggested that Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney wants to put folks "back in chains" with his fiscal policies. This means it's time for the over-the-top "playing the race (war) card" accusations (and counter-accusations) to begin!

Yet somehow, it all seems so familiar.

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P90seX: How A Capitol Hill Fitness Craze Helped Your Congressman Get Laid

One dude is the founder of P90X, the other is Rep. Paul Ryan, who helped is fellow Congress Critters get buff using the program (and inadvertently, helped a few of them get dates).One of the talking points meant to “humanize” newly appointed veep candidate and Mitt Romney second banana Paul Ryan is that he got a six pack blowing $120 bucks and countless hours going hard thanks to the popular exercise DVD series P90X.

In my brief time in D.C., particularly around 2011 after the GOP took the House, I started hearing quite a bit about Congress Critters and their ilk going hard using P90X. Soon a rash of nerdy, GOP (and some Dem) Butterfaces with washboard abs started humping about the Capitol, getting too flirtatiously aggressive while I was politely trying to get drunk on the rooftop of the W Hotel.

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Clutch Magazine: Team Romney Throws Up Condi Rice-Shaped Distraction, Fails

This Monday for Clutch Magazine Online, I took a break from my nephew babysitting duties to pen a post on how in an effort to get people talking about anything but Bain Capital, former Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice's name was thrown about this weekend as a possible vice presidential pick for wannabe Robot-In-Chief Mitt Romney.

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Nobody Is Over Anything Ever: Rielle Hunter, Joe Williams Edition

Going all "Kill Bill" on everyone when in crisis might seem like a good idea at the time, but rarely does such a defense work out in the world of media."I'm over it," is supposed to end a conversation. It sounds definitive, after all. Something you did or was done to you caused the kind of ire that makes you forget the universe is largely indifferent to our squabbles and everything is going to look a lot dimmer in the rear view mirror of time. You announce all mature and adult-like in the way you think movie stars and sociopaths do that you are "over it." That "it" whatever "it" is done and no longer part of your life and you no longer drive past "it's" house on Thursday evenings just to see if "it's" home. Because it's dead, done and buried, and it won't trouble you anymore. Which, OK, I suppose maybe for about (I'll be generous) 20 percent of the population this is true.

But it's not that simple. It's never that simple. For the rest of us, nobody is over anything. Ever.

Case in point: John Edwards' delusional former mistress and mother of his youngest child, Rielle Hunter and recently ousted White House correspondent for Politico, Joe Williams.

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Supreme Court Upholds Obama's Health Care Reform Law

Source: Twitter, via user @delrayser

It boiled down to the government has the right levy a tax. But considering that the government already has multiple social welfare programs going involving health care -- from Medicare to Medicaid to veterans' health care, etc. -- I was always more surprised that people were fighting the legality of it in court rather than hashing it out in Congress to modify the existing law. But in a 5-4 decision where Chief Justice John Roberts joined Justices Elena Kagan, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Stephen Breyer and Sonia Sotomayor in upholding the law, the signature legislation of the Obama Administration was allowed to remain unchanged. The descending votes came, unsurprisingly from Justices Anthony Kennedy, Antonin Scalia, Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito, who felt the law was an overreach and should have been struck down completely.

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Clutch Magazine: Stop the Vote! Someone Has An Election To Steal

This week for Clutch Magazine The Snob went political (one of my favorite things to do) and tackled how Florida Republicans are trying to push the Sunshine State into Mitt Romney's favor by purging their voter rolls of "possibly" illegal voters. They're currently fighting the Department of Justice as the DOJ says this purge is in violation of the Voter Rights Act. Hey, if the fight against non-existent voter fraud errs on the side of Democratic-leaning citizens not being able to vote, Republicans are willing to make that, ahem, sacrifice.

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Former President George W. Bush Endorses Mittens

The tradition of "rousing" GOP endorsements for Mittens continues! Taking a break from doing whatever former President George W. Bush does now (besides be grateful he's not president anymore), Bushie took the time to passive-aggressively endorse the GOP's latest weapon-of-choice.

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