The Return of Trump-De-Dump-Dump-Dump: The Donald's Revenge

Because GOP wannabe Mitt Romney is insecure, fearful of offending ANY CONSERVATIVE EVER and butthurt for friends, America's gilded bag of Cheetos dust covered in random hair clippings, aka Donald Trump, is back. Trump, for some perverse, publicity-laden reason is a Romney "surrogate." Probably because Romney saw his favorable ratings finally go up a little, got concerned he might actually win this thing, and deployed this asshole to tell us how Barack Obama is one of the lizard people.

It's a curious strategy, but if the goal is to NOT get elected ... it's just crazy enough to work.

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Obama Almost Tying Romney in Tennessee Poll, While GOP Realizes Romney May Have A Shot

President Barack Obama talks with former President Bill Clinton before an event in McLean, Va., Sunday, April 29, 2012. (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)Since the Republican Primary finally died down into a race to pathetically endorse perpetually flippity-gibbit Mitt Romney, news on the campaign front have turned towards the general election show down between Mittens and the Great Hope Monger -- President Barack Obama. This means we've been inundated with "fun" stories like "Is Barack Obama the first gay president (since he thinks gay people deserve equal rights)?" and "Hey, let's try that Jeremiah Wright thing that didn't work in 2008 again." But not all the news is turgid political pap -- some of it's kind of interesting! Like how President Obama is closing in on Mitt Romney in the GOP stronghold of Tennessee (!!!), and now that Romney doesn't have to deal with a constant stream of hate from his Republican rivals some folks actually kind of "like" him. He might have a shot! Maybe! Or something. Or not. But POSSIBILITIES! Washington is a buzz in them!

First off: What on Earth is going on in Tennessee?

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Former President George W. Bush Endorses Mittens

The tradition of "rousing" GOP endorsements for Mittens continues! Taking a break from doing whatever former President George W. Bush does now (besides be grateful he's not president anymore), Bushie took the time to passive-aggressively endorse the GOP's latest weapon-of-choice.

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Santorum Passive-Aggressively Endorses Romney In Email

"What? Burying an endorsement in an email isn't cool these days? An endorsement is an endorsement, Jay. He's lucky I didn't write it out with flaming bags of dog poop."

Rick Santorum of the Losing-the-GOP-Nomination-Santorums doesn't like Mitt Romney. And not in that, "All is far in love and politics," "let's have a good ol' roudy-bout and give them a show" competitive sort of way. No. This is a real, tangible, deep-seated John McCain-esque dislike, where disdain is covered in a patina of smirk and a low register grumble. Where all smiles are asymmetrical, Dick Cheney style, and all endorsements are said through grit teeth. Or, in the case of Santorum endorsing My Fair Mittens via email.

Mad harsh, son.

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Mitt Romney Can See Clearly Now That the Rick Santorum Rain Is Gone

Glorious day! Mitt "Mittens" Romney has bounded from his winter dwelling and into springtime's nomination meadow. His old, thick winter hair coat now shed, and now the candidate is sporting a shorter, shiner new thicket of Ken doll like hair. But what has brought the rose back to his robotic cheeks? What has returned the dew to his eyes designed by a genetic lab in the basement of Monsanto?

Is it? Can it? Dare it be true?

DING-DONG THE SANTORUM IS DEAD!

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Video: Will The Real Mitt Romney Please Stand Up?

Greatest political video rap mash-up ever. Flawless. I'm off now to find out if creator Hugh Atkin is going to release this on mp3.

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President Obama Enjoys Hot Dog While GOP Delegate Deathmatch Rages On

Last night as results rolled in from GOP races in Alabama, Mississippi and Hawaii, current Commander-In-Chief Barack Obama was busy hot dogging his way through some March Madness, taking UK Prime Minister David Cameron to a basketball game. It was essentially the most high powered form of a play date you could ever have.

But while other heads of state were chowing down and discussing their sports of choice -- the GOP continued its quixotic and often demoralizing race to find out who gets to go up against Obama in the fall.

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President Obama Numbers Are Up (And So Is "Obama Derangement Syndrome")

I've always been fascinated in the disconnect between those enraged with President Obama versus his typically much more moderate or typical responses. They see some foaming at the mouth radical, tossing around handouts and sending out assassination squads and I just see this ...

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Santorum Sez: Going to College Turns You Into Barack Obama

As if that's a bad thing.

Rick Santorum, college graduate and presidential candidate, recently argued that Barack Obama, college graduate and current president of the United States, was a "snob" because he wanted all Americans to have the opportunity to go to college. Santorum argued that this seemingly benign thing had malevolent intent because college is the place Liberals are made -- or something. Ignoring the fact that pretty much everyone running for president, including himself, went to college, and in the case of the GOP candidates, somehow they all went to college and weren't turned into sodomites and radical black leftists. Nope. They went to college and are still their same obnoxious, narcissistic selves. Because, as you know, college is a place where you get an education, not a "re-education."

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