Everybody Panic! Kim Jong Il Is Dead As GOP Candidates Rattle Sabers At Iran

Sunday night word finally made it's way to the rest of the world that "Dear Leader" Kim Jong Il of the "People's Democratic Republic" of Korea, aka the "Best" Korea, had died on a train. Of course, who knows if that's true, being as North Korea is a completely cut-off country trapped in a ruthless dictatorship. Kim Jong Il could have died from an orgy or eating too many jelly beans or could have died three years ago and he was pulling a "Sixth Sense" all this time. You don't know. I don't know.

It's North Korea.

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North Korea Just Wants Your Attention

Sure, they do it by threatening World War III once a year which seems highly counter-productive, but they're a closed off, isolated, Cold War relic of a Nation-State. Apparently they didn't get the memo that the Cold War was over and that they need to just talk to people, not threaten to blow them up every five minutes, fire actual artillery on civilians and kill two South Korean marines. Unless ... they want to accidentally start World War III by killing people. FYI: If for some reason North Korea decides to reignite the Korean War (because, technically, the war never ended as both sides just stopped fighting one day), the United States would be all up in that war as we have goo-gobs of troops at the border and have pledged to help South Korea if the North ever attacks. So, you know? You should probably care. (AP via Yahoo News)