Barack Obama Is the Nominee, Hillary Clinton Concedes And An Old, Boring But Potentially Lethal John McCain Waits In the Wings

That was some warm up act.

Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton's gladiator epic, which lasted for more than a year, will be officially over when she endorses Obama and suspends her campaign on Friday. Everyone said it was to the Republicans advantage that their field of weak candidates didn't continue to soften each other up, instead rolling over for John McCain once it became obvious Ron Paul wasn't going to set the party aflame.

The Republican nominee was reduced to a mere sideshow as everyone was captivated by a "David versus Goliath" opening act that became "The Tortoise and the Hare" which eventually gave way to "Bravehart"-meets-"The Godfather."

It might turn into "Brian's Song," if we get lucky. Only I don't want Clinton to die of cancer. I just want everyone to get back on message. No curse words and crying. I only want smiles and back slaps. Good game! Shake hands!

I think the press will miss this his-and-hers Clash of the Titans the most. Clinton has her die-hard Clintonistas, the 42nd president of the United States and her own Evita-esque undertones. Obama has his enthusiastic, adoring fans, youthful zeal and Dr. Feel Good politics. Whereas John McCain is old.

That's all the press has talked about when they actually talked about him.

How he was old.

Looked old. Sounded old. Sometimes appears clueless. Even during that horrible speech he gave last night, hoping to get a pinky finger on some news coverage, he continued to demonstrate that if it weren't for the "benefits" of his own race and gender he would be politically DOA.

Last night the press had Hillary's "don't cry for me" defiance, Obama's name being engraved in the history books and an old man who, as James Carville pointed out, was the youngest person in a room full of even older people.

The man doesn't give good TV. Or speeches. Or anything that involves talking. And he tries to Spackle over his flaws by invoking puckishness. You can't be a 71-year-old imp. You can't just shrug your shoulders and bat your eyelashes in the fleeting hope I will remember a damn thing you said before Clinton and Obama's speeches. Everyone seethed over hers or praised his, but what did people say about McCain's speech other than the immediate reaction of CNN pundits crowing how bad it blew, then everyone deciding to block it out altogether. They went on with Wednesday's news as if it never happened.

There's this saying that any press is good press as long as they spell your name right. What does no press mean?

That's why it's so strange for Obama to be the presumptive Democratic nominee. Hillary Clinton, no matter how you feel about her, was a worthy opponent. You didn't just forget what she said. You analyzed it and dissected it and maybe blogged about it. And no matter what the press says, they'll be staring out at the moon tonight singing "I've Grown Accustomed To Her Face."

They're devastated. But they'll try to hide their pain by finding some new crazy pastor to rave about.

Clinton was a Herculean challenge. People are still trying to catch their breath. To go from watching a modern update of "Julius Caesar" to a cheesy summer comedy starring Will Smith and Walter Matthieu's reanimated corpse seems a bit of a let down.

And by let down, I'm hoping it will be easy. Disco dancing easy. That it will be like sitting through Zoolander with McCain as Mugatu. Everyone goes home happy and Michelle Obama is the first black First Lady of the United States.

Alas, the likelihood of this turning into Zoolander with Obama sauntering up to the White House while Frankie Goes to Hollywood blares in the background is highly unlikely. McCain being the last white man standing gives him the edge he needs to make up for the fact that two-thirds of his voting base hates him, he's for the war and was there the day McKinley was shot. This would have ruined the chances of any other candidate, but he survived that mad dash for "not crappy" to make his way out of the Republican finals. Now the only thing that stands in his way is a healthy, youthful, handsome, intelligent, charming, popular, eloquent ... black man.

McCain probably likes his odds.

But he shouldn't get too comfy hoping America's racist past will do all the heavy lifting. Barack has boldly gone where no black person has gone before, surpassing what I and many others ever imagined. Still dumbstruck, I can't offer much perspective or opinion on where we go from here because there is no historical data to draw back on. We've crossed the Rubicon, folks. We don't know what's waiting for us on the other side. That's both glorious and horrifying all at the same time. The sort of moment where those who were reluctant to get on board have no choice now. His winning made the decision for them. Just like the avalanche of superdelegates who came to put him over the top the minute the primaries were over. If you didn't come over with them it doesn't matter.

You're with him now.

This win didn't come easily and the presidency won't come easily. If you believe the Clintons, and you shouldn't when it comes to the following, Obama had a charmed run with the press. I'd argue that he's had a charmed run with some of the press. His charm has not benefited him on FOX News where almost every manufactured scandal revolving around the Obama campaign on TV emanated from.

Sure. There was made up stuff on the radio and the internet, but FOX was the only network to start putting those defamatory statements on air a year before everyone else. Back when other media outlets were still trying to have a little class and only ask if he was "black enough."

Apparently, you can only take so many treaties from Sean Hannity fans DEMANDING to know why CNN isn't covering Obama's secret ties to everything from Black Liberation Theology to radical Islam.

So many times I wanted to say to Hannity, "Which is it, Sean? Is he a whitey-hating Christian or a Muslim Extremist? Which one? Which one!"

That said, I think we should enjoy this moment of history ... then get back to work. Because while we've made it through pre-season, season and semis, we still have a final to get through. While the Democratic Party has proved it can move from being the racist scourge of black America to nominating a black man as their presidential nominee, America still has some work to do. And, sadly, we can't get everyone into diversity training.

Therefore we should remain vigilant, be aware, be realistic and acknowledge that nothing is certain. We've never been down this road before, so we should be proud. But we can't spend too much time admiring the view. There's an old man out there smiling and batting his eyes, practicing how many ways he can say, "I completely condone that malicious and hateful act, my friends. That has no place in the campaign I am running for president."

Lanny Davis, Terrry McAuliffe Star In: "Never Say Die"

Never give up! Never surrender!

Oh, Lanny and Terry, you make me laugh. It's so cute how you want to play dead-enders to Clinton's quixotic campaign. Perhaps there are some windmills you can go fight as well. May I suggest you select Bill Clinton as Sancho Panza?

After talking over the race with Papa Snob last night we surmised that maybe Clinton would suspend her campaign but would hold on to her delegates. After all, this was the closest race ever for the Democratic nomination. She has more than 1,900 delegates, so we're betting she's going to hide out in the border area between Afghanistan and Pakistan, hold tight to her delegates and wait for a stage five campaign collapse in Obama Land.

She can't do much to cause the collapse (see: blow back), but she can "wait and see." The spotlight will be off her (thank God) and on the new fight, Obama v. John McCain. I still don't think she wants to be vice president and I don't think Obama wants her to be his vice president. I think he wants her to tell her people to stop chanting "Denver" and unite to defeat the Republicans in November. But Clinton is channeling her inner LBJ and wants Obama to need her more than she needs him. She knows he needs all those jaded women voters who feel their historic year was usurped by Obama's historic year.

Analysts on CNN were aghast that Clinton was "defiant" while Obama gushed praise for her, but this was one of those "well, duh" moments for me. When is Clinton not defiant? I realize everyone wants to see her get humbled (or embarrassed), but I wouldn't lose any sleep waiting for that. Besides, she lost. To the victor goes the spoils ... and the praising of the loser.

Everyone's lovable once they're not a threat anymore. It's like Kobe Bryant saying how great Tim Duncan and the Spurs were the whole time they beat them down. They were just so honored to go 3-1 against the aging champs. When Lamar Odom dunked in their faces that was a tribute to their body of work. When you're on top you don't need to jab the loser in the eye. That would make you the childish asshole. Obama was a gracious and humble winner. I didn't expect him to be anything less than that.

And if anyone was watching CNN last night, did you see Jeffrey Toobin lose his shit over Hillary Clinton not conceding. Oddly, CNN does not have that video uploaded on their site. (But you can see it on The Huffington Post here.) I wish they had put it up there because it was friggin' hilarious. Instead you'll have to settle for this clip of Donna Brazile pulling that same "boo" mess on Anderson Cooper she pulled on Stephen Colbert last week. There's something a little uncomfortable about watching Donna flirt with people, but it's still funny.

AP Is Saying It's Over While the CNN Says He's A Mere 12 Delegates Away

Also, Maxine Waters has flipped from Clinton to Obama.

Read the AP's take on "a historic step toward (Obama's) once-improbable goal of becoming the nation's first black president" here.

Political experts think Clinton will likely "suspend" her campaign then later concede.

None of this has sunk in for me yet. But, believe me, if my cynical heart melts and I start singing Negro Spirituals, you will be the first to know.

And for poops and giggles, this is a Moveon.org ad I caught a few days ago on CNN (and saw again today). It's a Bush = McCain ad. Personally, I don't think anyone could equal Bush completely as the man has the direct opposite of the Midas touch, but as a piece of pure guerrilla marketing (or propaganda), this ad is a lethal act of both supersonic meta marketing and unsubtle imagery. Largely because of their gratuitous use of "The Patty Duke Show's" theme song.

It's very vintage, "Nick at Nite."

Move On's efforts to draft McBush as Siamese twins continues with their, The Bush-McCain Challenge. I took the challenge (which, since I'm 30, made me think of the Coke Taste Test/Pepsi Challenges of the 1980s), and failed horribly. Perhaps my political Kung Fu is not as good as it used to be.

The MVP: Maybe Vice President?

CNN is hitting the Hillary Clinton for veep bong again and they're hitting it hard. You can't blame them. They have primary night fever and it's spread to their diseased brains. Barack Obama's planning to declare victory. Jimmy Carter and James Cyburn have officially picked Team Obama (although neither were a surprise).

Sen. Hillary Clinton on Tuesday told New York lawmakers she is open to being the running mate of Sen. Barack Obama, her rival for the Democratic presidential nomination, two of the lawmakers told CNN.

Rep. Charles Rangel, a senior member of the New York Democratic delegation, also told CNN, "I have reason to believe she is open to the [vice president] slot."

One of the sources added that former President Clinton has been privately pushing for a couple of weeks for his wife to be No. 2 on the ticket.

On Monday night, a close friend and adviser of the former first lady told CNN Clinton will say tonight "that she will do whatever it takes" to put a Democrat in the White House. Barack Obama insiders saw that as an indication she would accept an offer to be his running mate if asked.

Now I don't doubt that there's veep talk going around because, why not? We're talking about politicians here. But still, after all that has happened, I still think it would be nutters to have them on the same ticket. I'm aware that the Grandma Moses demo will not vote for anyone unless they've shared a long, complicated, infidelity-laced marriage with Bill Clinton, but, my word, this would be the most side-eyed, non-trusting, innuendo-drenched, biracial, battle-of-the-sexes political tag team ever.

This is what the press wants. Not me. This is their "dream team." A charming, feel good up-in-comer and the long-awaited sequel, "The Clinton Years II: First Lady's Choice." How long will it be before all the horrible made up shit starts mixing in with the true drama creating a Masterworks Theater of clusterfuckery? How long before I see the supermarket tabloid about Bill and Michelle's secret rendezvous? Will I be able to keep down my oatmeal after I look at that?

I mean, I know why some would want this to happen and but it would be a Valentine to The New York Times, The Washington Post, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, ABC, NBC and CBS. Even C-SPAN. So, go there if you must, Team Obama, just know who you're getting in bed with.

Clinton Concession Watch: Hell No! She Won't Go!

Now CNN is flipping the script. They say Clinton ain't conceding nothing. As the Harriet Christians of the world would say, "All the way to the convention, bitches!"

Sen. Hillary Clinton's is "absolutely not" prepared to concede the race for the Democratic presidential nomination to Sen. Barack Obama, her campaign chairman said.

Terry McAuliffe rejected as "100 percent" incorrect an Associated Press report that Clinton is preparing to acknowledge that Obama has the delegates to win the nomination Tuesday night as the five-month Democratic primary process comes to a close.

Obama "doesn't have the numbers today, and until someone has the numbers the race goes on," McAuliffe told CNN.

Clinton continues to fight Obama in the Democratic primary season. Some 61 contests over six months will end Tuesday as Montana and South Dakota hold primaries.

Hillary Clinton Concession Watch

CNN (via The Associated Press) is reporting that the Hillster is going to tip her hat to Obama and give up the ghost this evening. Thank you, Jebus!

Sen. Hillary Clinton will acknowledge Tuesday night that her rival, Sen. Barack Obama, will have enough delegates to capture the Democratic presidential nomination, officials tell The Associated Press.

Clinton's acknowledgment will come after a Democratic primary season, which lasted five months and 61 contests, finally draws to a close as Montana and South Dakota hold primaries Tuesday.

Only 31 pledged delegates are at stake in those two contests.

Obama is just 42 delegates shy of the 2,118 now needed to clinch the nomination. There are not enough pledged delegates at stake in Montana and South Dakota to put Obama over the top, but a rush of endorsements by the remaining undeclared "superdelegates" could allow him to claim victory when he takes the stage in Minnesota Tuesday evening.

Permenately Tanned, Somewhat Rested and Ready

I'm back. I got some sleep. I ate banana pudding. I hung out with my best friend Tiff-a-rooney. I wasn't quite successful in completely clearing my head, but I don't think I'm going to put the hurt on anyone any time soon.

As you could tell, I actually posted next to nothing for four whole days. And that's pretty huge considering I'm a blogging junkie and so much news happened. My opinions in brief:

Hillary Clinton's campaign is the walking dead.

Barack Obama quitting Trinity was a rather depressing affair.

Fr. Michael Pfleger is tragically hilarious and not PC, but c'mon! That shit was funny! Everyone is so freakin' uptight. And how is this Obama's fault? Seriously!

Former loyal Bushie Scott McClellan's "crisis = opportunity" moment was interesting, but about four years too late.

Geraldine Ferraro on FOX News needs to make like Dave Coulier and "cut it out."

Howard Dean did OK playing Solomon while bringing the Florida/Michigan debacle to a resolution. It's obvious he wants this shit to be over, like yesterday.

Puerto Rico should really be the 51st state by now. I don't get the hold up. Is it because they primarily speak Spanish there? Are we hating because they've produced some extremely attractive celebrities and athletes? Is it because they're tropical people? Too many Los Negroes? Are we too lazy to redesign the American flag? If the vote ever comes up I'm voting statehood. The Snob's gotcha back, Puerto Rico! Viva la boricua! Whenever you want to do this thing I'm down.

The Last Stand

Above: Custer's Last Stand, the Democratic National Committee's Rules and Bylaws committee meeting, last picture is Jim Roosevelt, Alexis Horman and Howard Dean, helming the committee meeting. (Reuters)

Hillary Clinton fought the Rules and Bylaws Committee and the committee won. Now what? Nothing. That's what. Now who's going to be the one to tell the nice lady that she's D-E-A-D dead? That she's in Bruce Willis territory. The Sixth Nonsense. And just like that protagonist, the surprise is going to be on her.

I've been following politics since I was about eight or nine-years-old. As a qualifier, I've been unaffected by anything since Michael Dukakis beat out Jesse Jackson for the Democratic nomination in '88.

I was a little kid when Jackson ran in 1984 and didn't make it. So when '88 rolled around I was at the wise old age of 11. I had my heart set on a Jackson presidency and when that didn't happen I was willing to settle for the dopey looking guy with the weird last name, but then the Ghost of Willie Horton and the timorous nature of Dukakis destroyed that.

Surviving the prepubescent heartbreak of that, it was difficult for me to get riled by Hillary Clinton and her own pugilistic, historic bid for the presidency. I'd followed her rise since Bill Clinton ran for the presidency in 1992. I followed their full eight years in the White House and voted for Clinton's reelection in 1996. I continued to follow them when the former First Lady headed out for a political career of her own.

I'm unflappable in the face of the strum und drang of this latest political season. All the back-handed attacks, innuendos, fabrications and calculations are old hat for me. As I watched Clinton's campaign fight against the dying light I wondered could this really be the person that has everyone so appalled? So ordinary in her appearance, manic laugh and resolute upward gaze in spite of her short stature. A mini-tator*.

Watching those embittered, terse faced people, mostly women, stare down DNC Chairman Howard Dean in a last ditch attempt to turn back the Obama tide was a demonstration in the last acts of a dying campaign. A last ditch effort of "bitches getting stuff done."

First of all, not nearly as many protesters showed up as expected, a sign that even some of the most battle-hardened Clintonistas have accepted the inevitable. Then there was the death knell of both delegations in Florida and Michigan being seated with half a vote and Clinton receiving too few delegates to get her out of the woodshed.

But the latest knock on the door from the Grim Reaper did not stop Clinton from facing into the headwinds unrepentant.

'I ask you to consider these questions - which candidate best represents the will of the people who voted in this historic (nationwide) primary?' she appealed to the superdelegates in her victory speech.

'And which candidate is best able to lead our nation as our president in the face of unprecedented challenges at home and abroad? I am in this race because I believe I am that candidate, and I will be that president,' she said.

While this is distressing to some, I can only yawn. Everything has looked like reruns to me since late February.

Time wasn't on Clinton's side.

She couldn't make up all those caucus states she neglected post Feb. 5th, the ones the Obama campaign targeted like a laser. She had no post Feb. 5th strategy. She burned through her cash brilliantly and bright as she began her Bataan Death March to Denver.

Despite these mortal errors, she's been the indomitable, incredible, politicking Hillzilla. Afflicting the nightmarish imaginations of many, she sent hordes into fits of maddening rages. Her "fighter" persona became the stuff of legend. She was Michael Myers and Jason Voorhies. Glenn Close, Jennifer Jason Lee and Rebecca De Mornay combined, terrorizing superdelegates and trying steal babies, possibly eat them, then perhaps murder Bridget Fonda for winning the Carolinas.

I don't know how many times you can kill something until it's dead. Sen. Clinton has been the living dead for so long now I half expect her to announce that George Romero is her new campaign manager. I watched her campaign rapidly decompose Saturday at the Democratic National Committee's Rules and Bylaws meeting. I watched it flail about in the hope Puerto Rico would reanimate Dr. Frankenstein's Rotting Reanimated Corpse of Political Monsters. I see it now, storming off into the night, threatening to spread like the plague in "28 Days," infecting the convention in August with an army of pantsuit wearing zombies craving Obamamaniac brains.

But what the bloody hell for? How many wooden stakes can you sharpen for political vampires? It's just so exhausting to care.

This is what happens when you become a pragmatic, political veteran at 19. Where you look at every candidate with a jaundiced eye and hope for the best while preparing for the worst. Plotting contingency plans in case this all spectacularly blows up in our faces, I prepare for the 50-50 chance of a John McCain presidency. I'm prepared for failure as I wonder what can be done to neuter what I don't like and encourage what I do, calculating how to get to that magic number 60 in the senate in hope to restore some form of checks and balances in Washington.

On paper this should be the Democrats' year, but, as expected, not matter how many of us begged them to "dear Lord, not fuck this up!" the Democrats remain a party that cannot be saved from itself.

As a young history buff I was fascinated with studying the United State's "Indian Wars" from the perspectives of the chiefs and warriors who battled to save their dying way of life. My favorite battle was the last real success story of the Indian campaign, the Battle of Greasy Grass Creek, better known as the Battle of Little Bighorn, or "Custer's Last Stand." I lovingly studied this decisive victory for the Lakota and Northern Cheyenne warriors lead by legendary Sioux chief Crazy Horse and holy man Sitting Bull.

George Armstrong Custer was a Civil War veteran who overplayed his hand in the battle, making strategic errors that lead to his death and defeat. Depending on where you stood, Custer was either a tragic hero or a villain. And that's where Clinton straddles, looming over that territory between feminist trailblazer and poisonous political femme fatale. A woman who made strategic errors leading to her campaign's death and defeat, buckling under the weight of her own hubris.

I stand by my belief that the unfortunate racial shenanigans the Clintons engaged in against Barack Obama were tiddlywinks compared with the sort of ammo the opposition has unloaded on Democratic campaigns of the past. The present has a way of blurring the memory, but dropping a few Jesse Jacksons here and an "Obama can't win working class white people" there aren't exactly the same as the constant parade of Rev. Jeremiah Wright's Greatest Hits that FOX News started drooling over more than a year ago.

The constant braying of Obama's middle name as if it were an indictment of his character and the everlasting drumbeat of "who is he really," "Weather Underground" and "Secret Muslim" are wearying. That's not to say that Clinton hasn't been a benefactor of this conjecture and distortion, but Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly and Sean Hannity don't need Hillary Clinton for this. They do this freely out of the kindness of their shriveled little cynical hearts, without any prompting or treatises from the Clinton campaign.

Perhaps this is what she meant when she coined that oft repeated phrase "he hasn't been vetted. I've been vetted. I've been tested." Or as Clinton supporter and comedian Paul Rodriguez put it on Sunday, "Better the devil you know."

This doesn't mean the annoyance, frustration, even loathing of her is unjustified. Clinton believes she is the only person who can save America from making the grave error of nominating Barack Obama. Therefore she is willing to go that extra mile and piss everyone off in an effort to prevent such a horror from happening.

And in her unfortunate actions there is no floor. There is no ceiling. We just watch as she blows bricks and mortars up from the basement and launches missiles down from the sky, never finding the ground. In her worst laid plans she soldiers on, but likely for not much longer. It's time to take her 1,900+ in chips and cash in whatever political fortunes she can gain.

If Romero taught us anything, the living dead can return to die another day.

Quite possibly a day in 2012.

*A mini-tator is my name for a "miniature dictator," essentially someone who is bossy, but powerless and not-threatening.