General Snobbery
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President Obama Enjoys Hot Dog While GOP Delegate Deathmatch Rages On

Last night as results rolled in from GOP races in Alabama, Mississippi and Hawaii, current Commander-In-Chief Barack Obama was busy hot dogging his way through some March Madness, taking UK Prime Minister David Cameron to a basketball game. It was essentially the most high powered form of a play date you could ever have.

But while other heads of state were chowing down and discussing their sports of choice -- the GOP continued its quixotic and often demoralizing race to find out who gets to go up against Obama in the fall.

Mitt "Mittens" Romney may still have the delegate lead, but Little Ricky Santorum won the night, snagging Alabama and Mississippi.

For some reason the Romney camp thought they had a shot in Mississippi. I'm not quite sure how they figured that one out, unless they were considering that Romney-haters would be split between the GOP's Catholics-masquerading-as-evangelicals, Santorum and Newt Gingrich.

Gingrich, proving that he's both a jerk and delusional, won't get out of the race to give Little Ricky a real shot to be the ultimate "Not Romney" rival.

From ABC News:

“Yeah, I understand it. Everyone in the Republican establishment wants Romney and they’d like everyone else to go home,” Gingrich told ABC News’ Jon Karl in an interview Tuesday. “They’d like to have a coronation, but that’s not how this is done.”

Though Rick Santorum was the projected winner of the primaries in both Mississippi and Alabama Tuesday night, Gingrich’s spokesman R.C. Hammond told ABC News there was a “zero percent” chance Gingrich would suspend his candidacy.

Gingrich said his expectation was to be in Tampa and have an open convention, and that taking the nominating process all the way to the convention would be “good for America.” Gingrich said that he and Santorum staying in the race would be helping conservatives because “Santorum and I are stopping Romney.”

If Gingrich jumped on the Santorum "Let's Go Back to 1955, Ladies" bandwagon, Santy would actually have a fighting chance to give Mittens hell during a potentially brokered GOP convention. But, no dice. The Force (of denial) is still strong in this one. Gingrich believes he and only he can stop Romney, even though all signs point to Sir Newton running out of ch'i.

From ABC News:

The Gingrich campaign sent out a memo earlier in the day stating that the race for delegates was far from over and called Louisiana on March 24, “half time.”

“The sequencing and pace of the second half favors Newt. When this process started, Newt’s team had two goals: block an early Romney nomination; and plan for a sequenced and paced second half,” the memo stated.

And see? This is what I've been talking about for the longest. Newt Gingrich is not only a jerk to those who disagree with him, he's a jerk to members of his own party. I realize that there's probably no love lost between former House Speaker Gingrich and ol' Santy, a guy who had to put up with Gingrich's tyranny in Congress, but who are we really trying to "get," Newton? Do you want to take Romney out or not? 

The ego in here is suffocating.

That said, I was somewhat delighted to learn this week that this protracted, soul-defeating GOP primary was the vision of former RNC Chairman Michael "Man of" Steele. After feeling left out from all the fun during the 2008 super exciting Democratic nomination race that featured Obama and current Secretary of State, former Senator and former First Lady Hillary Clinton (also featuring a horny John Edwards and a funny Bill Richardson), Steele thought it would be neat if the GOP could also have a long, fun primary fight.

Of course, Steele forgot that part of the reason WHY the 2008 Democratic primary was so exciting was because it was a battle between the would-be first-ever African American president of the United States and the woman who likely would-have-been the first female president of the United States who was also a former First Lady of a popular president. Those were the KEY ingredients to 2008's hype.

Democrats were in love with their choices to the point they were willing to go all joyful (then angry) warrior over them, and relished in lengthy debates over "hope and change" versus "The Clintons." The media was "in love" with the historical narrative and The Clintons being back on the scene. Obama spoke to record crowds. Elderly black people were crying over the chance to vote. Chris Matthews had thrills going up his leg. Young people were tweeting about Obama and making Hope/Change art.

It was fascinating and fun and a once-in-a-lifetime thing that launched a billion books.

This? This right here with the GOP in 2012 is not a political wonderland where conservative voters are choosing between Zombie Ronald Reagan, Not-Born-American and pre-secret love child Arnold Schwarzenegger and whatever Bush that isn't named George running. They've got "cheesy grits" and the Contraception Crusader.

Obama's got a better chance of his hot dog eating photos going viral that someone getting a loving feeling from Steele's hell campaign.

But that's for playing, Iron Mike.

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Reader Comments (2)

I'm really curious as to how the "second half favors Newt." I'm not positive on this, but I believe the primaries from April onward are winner-take-all primaries in mostly non-Southern, Romney-friendly states.

And given the fact that, so far, Newt has come in first place in only two contests, the second half looks less "favorable" to Newt, and more like a "gigantic waste of time" for Newt.

Of course, one couldn't really expect him to arrive at this realization. The aforementioned argument constitutes logic, which, as everyone knows, cannot penetrate the Gingrichian Narcissism Field.

March 14, 2012 | Unregistered Commentersmartacus

Haven't gotten completely through this post before I HAD to make a comment. You make an excellent point about Catholics-masquerading as evangelicals. Most folks are focusing on "Mittens" faux personality but haven't picked up on the Evangelical phoniness running around.

Great point.

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterphilly_chile
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