Coincidence? I think not.
Last week, Joe McGinniss released some tawdry details about his new Sarah Palin Slam Book and among its pages was the rumor that a younger, more feathered haired version of Palin once played hide the sausage with future NBA baller Glen Rice. Rice, allegedly, confirmed this tall, basketball player-sized tale to the author, which read like hilarious fan fiction -- if you ever wrote fan fiction about Sarah Palin, sexy sports reporter, getting it in with then Michigan player Glen Rice. But in the same week where we learned Sarah Palin may have once come down with a case of Jungle Fever followed with a case of "OMG What Have I Done? Please Don't Tell My Dad" influenza, suddenly sometimes rapper, sometimes fantasy President of Haiti Wyclef Jean has suspiciously nicety-nice things to say about her.
“I have to tell you this: I am a huge fan of Sarah Palin,” the former Fugee said. “Cause she’s rad. She’s shrewd. She’s cool. Because at the end of the day, I’m for the people, because this is the United States of America...this is what America’s really about. Anyone should have the right to say, ‘Look I can do the job and this is what qualifies me to do the job.’….Now my wife probably will debate and disagree with me.”
Seeming to sense a little bit of disbelief, he qualified his statement.
“I’m not saying she could be the next president, you know, but there’s something about her. Heavy debates in my house. Whenever I say Sarah Palin, people think I’m crazy, but I like her, I do. I can like whoever. This is America, right?”
But is it a mere coincidence that Clef, a man who's never met a piece of vag he didn't think was worth exploring, would have nice things to say about Sarah Palin the same week we learned Glen Rice ALSO may have never met a piece of vag he didn't like? And that piece of vag may have belonged to the "Thrilla from Wasilla?"
Much like how I'm almost positive at least 27 percent of my love for actor Robert Deniro is partially based that if I went into a time machine to before he married Grace Hightower and around the time when he was still young and incredibly hot I totally could have snagged him, there's something to be said about knowing that secretly the attraction/repulsion celebrity of your dreams could be yours. After all, how many brothers had considered thinking Sarah Palin attractive but pushed it out of their minds because of fears that she may be some horrible kind of racist? Who wants to have a Sir Mix-A-Lot patented triple X throwdown with a racist? (Please don't answer that question if that's your fetish, man. That was a rhetorical question.) But if she did Glen Rice, how much of that "Obama is the worst president ever" is another case of "thou dost protest too much?" Maybe her inherint dislike/fear of a black president is really because Glen Rice didn't whip that thing on her properly (or did it too well) and now she has an irrational fear of all black penis and THAT'S why she says mean things about the president. So now, Wyclef, your cousin Larry and Tiger Woods may want to volunteer to "take one for the team" and right Glen Rice's wrong, using the transferative properties of penis to literally screw the anti-Obama smirk off Palin's face and bring her into the fold.
Or. You know? She could be just an obnoxious slag and this all delightfully unrelated fan fiction cooked up by a delightfully bemused me who thinks the notion of Palin getting busy with Glen Rice is, by far, the best conspiracy theory to come out of Sarah Palin's snatch since Trig Truthers. It's hilarious. Former Republican who now only votes Democratic, Charles Barkley, is saying "This is turrible" while giving Rice two thumbs up.
Also, Joe McGinniss, your book sounds awful. Just awful. I'm reading Levi Johnston's instead.