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Thursday
Oct062011

Chris Christie, Sarah Palin Turn Down Chance To Be Miserable By Running For President

Republican pundit hopes and fears were both dashed and saved this week when a woman no one wanted to run for president said she would not and a man they hoped would breathe life into a dead-on-arrival class of GOP candidates also refused. Doesn't anyone want to be the savor of Conservatism and vanquish our "weak" incumbent president, or do frick n' frack here know something the pundits don't know?

(Psst. That something is that despite all these problems, everyone running is so lame, Obama's re-election chances still look pretty good.)

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, despite being greeted by a hologram of Ann Coulter, on bended knee pleading "Help us, Obi Wan Kenobe, you're our only hope," has refused to have his ego shattered by running for the GOP presidential ticket. (Smart man.) Perhaps he realized no one was ready for that jelly* that would probably not be red-meat conservative enough for the GOP activists who spend their evenings watching death row inmates and gay soldiers fight to the death in Thunderdome.

Plus, ol' Governor Sandwiches kept having to hear people say weird stuff like "Is he too fat to run?" and I'm all ... waaah? It's like everyone forgot that Bill Clinton 1.0 was really fond of jogging from donut huts to McDonald's before he turned more "Slim" Willie than Slick. And that fattie had two terms. Soooo ...?

Not that I want Christie to be president, but c'mon. Gov. Sandwiches has more to fear from those times he mocked the Sharia Law concerns of Tea Party people than the sandwiches he adores.

Less surprising was former veep candidate Sarah Palin's complete disinterest in running, but need to pretend like she might run in order to get the TV cameras to continue to follow around. For without them, like Tinkerbell and applause, Palin would cease to live.

But maybe no one was ready for her jelly either? (Although her "jelly" apparently did make her that much more of an attractive hire to Roger Ailes.) I personally think there are already too many fake, can't win candidates in this race (starting with Rick Santorum, ending with Michele Bachmann), so Palin doing what everyone knew she was going to do -- nothing -- brings some order back to a largely orderless Republican field.

And Mittens adds a few more names to his naught and nice list as we continue this long turn towards the inevitable.

* Side note: I haven't heard "Bootylicious" in likely almost a decade, so I had never realized that the opening guitar cords that repeat throughout the song is the dang opening to my most favorite Stevie Nicks song ever "Edge of Seventeen." I also did not realize Stevie Freakin' Nicks is in the "Bootylicious" video and, oddly, not draped in fifty veils and a swishy skirt like she normally is. She has on PANTS which tells you how much attention I was paying to Destiny's Child in 2001.

(Photo of Chris Christie via the Office of the Governor of New Jersey)

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Reader Comments (2)

Yes, and not only is the very distinctive power-chord from "Edge of 17" the core riff of "Bootyliscious" but you will also note that Beyonce sports a Nicksian 'do for the occasion. One of the few R&B/Hip Hop/Rock collabs that I actually LIKE. As for Governor Sandwiches -- ugh.

October 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmyA

Sarah Palin's not running??!!! - Hold on, let me grab my surprised face out of my purse.......

She is a certified pimp.

Justice

October 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJustice
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