Important or Upsetting? Mo'Nique's Brother Discusses His Abuse of His Sister On Oprah
I didn't see the whole interview. The clips I found of it were more than enough to make me uncomfortable as Mo'Nique's brother Gerald Imes discussed how as children he sexually molested his sister. Oprah interviewed Gerald, as well as he and Mo'Nique's parents about the abuse and the whole thing was unsettling. Largely because even though Mo'Nique OKed the interview with Oprah, she chose not to participate, making the whole thing seem like one part an examination of how deep denial can run in a family that has held the secret of abuse and another part uncomfortable exploitation featuring an odd apology from Gerald.
You can read about Mo'Nique's personal account of her abuse here on Essence.com. You can also read about Oprah's interview here and watch clips here.
I think what bothered me the most is that the brother (and the parents to some extent) seemed to believe that it was up to Mo'Nique -- the victim -- to essentially get over what happened and bring their family back together. The reality is Mo'Nique was abused and her own brother also claims he was sexually abused, pointing to a much bigger and deeper problem. It's not Mo'Nique's job to "get over" her abuse for the sake of the family, it's the family's job to acknowledge the abuse, apologize and respect whatever decision she makes from there. And if that decision includes having nothing to do with her brother that should be respected. No one should be questioning why she, as a child, appeared "close" to her brother even after the abuse took place. The man is her brother, after all, and the pressure to keep things "normal" had to be tremendous.
What did you think while watching it? While Oprah spoke from her own experience as someone who was sexually abused as a child, some of the interview still felt exploitive to me. That it was more about the family wanting to prove that they weren't "monsters" rather than actually getting to heart of what causes the abuse of both your children to take place without a parent noticing and what better reactions parents need to have when they discover sexual abuse in their families. Because doing nothing and expected those abused to get over it isn't much of a solution at all.
Danielle Belton | 33 Comments | Share Article | Email Article | Print Article | tagged Mo'Nique, media, oprah winfery, sexual abuse 
Reader Comments (33)
I agree that this family is dysfunctional. Lolly and divalive, I appreciated that articulation. I feel that this man had a right to put his story out there just as much as Monique did. Makenzie Phillips' father died and then she came forward with her story. I am not trying to diminish that it actually happened because in all honesty I sympathesize with her, and although her story came out after the death of her father who's to say it didn't take that to let her be able to release herself from that pain. But also, her father will never get the opportunity to tell his side and that is important when you disclose intimate details about yourself in a public arena. Its not fair. The family may be dysfunctional and may be estranged from Monique, but everyone needs to be able to heal. He was/is ashamed. Should we not allow all parties to give their side of the story? Imagine having your personal business out there and not being able to defend it. He didn't deny any of his monstrous acts to her, but this man is not a monster. He is a wounded person just as much as Monique.
When they said they could have handled this "in house" I don't know if that would be effective, but it surely would have made the fact that their business is out in the street a lot easier in the sense that they would know what to be expecting.
After seeing brutal physical abuse inflicted on relatives for years, I can honestly say I don't believe counseling with a professional would have made a difference in the lives of the abuser and the abused.
Not being able to move away, locked in a cycle of madness, they coped the best they could. The family members who suffered only began to heal after the abusers died. Not having to deal with the rationalizations of the abusers freed them.
Monique can't do anything about her family and what they didn't do , she has wisely decided to build a new family. That's going to grant her more peace of mind than a counselor or Oprah ever could.
I really really feel that the family is VERY pissed that they can't share in Mo'Nique's success and its attendant spoils (who would think the sister you molested would win an Oscar one day?) because of the past. It would be preferable for them to work this out in private therapy sessions but maybe the session with Oprah is the best they can do.
Fascinating and enlightening dynamics on display
Danielle I couldn't agree with you more.
A real apology from Gerald would have been, "I'm sorry that I molested you and caused you any sort of harm or physical and psychological damage over the years due to my horrible actions. That half a$$ed apology I gave you years ago was not an apology at all. After today I will be seeking professional help for this disease and whether you want to deal with me ever again is completely up to you. I just want you to know that I acknowledge what I was wrong."
But no, that is not what Gerald did. He did say he was sorry but he and her parents were still trying to make excuses for themselves. The part where Gerald abruptly told Oprah to "Stop!" as she was trying to explain to her dense father why Monique (at 15 years old) hid her true feelings for so long really made me angry. Oprah explained that the reason abuse victims act as if everything is o.k., is because the family wants them too. The abuse victim can accurately sense when the family simply wants to block out the hard cold truth. Gerald then says "Stop! That's not what we wanted her to do." Um, then why did you lie about it for 37 years, and why did the family not address the issue by getting you some help out of the house instead of bringing you right back around her and making Monique feel like she could never talk about it again?
Also, the timing of this confession and apology is suspect. Monique has been famous for a long time now. She has even discussed the fact that she was molested in past interviews over the years. However, now that there is more international attention on her for her Academy Award and everyone knows he is the one that molested her and became the inspiration for her heart wrenching performance, he wants to clear his name. He doesn't want to look like the bad guy.
He should have never done this interview. I get that Oprah is trying to educate America about molestation from the molesters point of view, but if Gerald's main goal was to truly apologize to Monique, he would have done it in private, sought professional help, and said exactly what I wrote above.
P.S. Barbra Walters just said on The View that Gerald and the family approached her to do an interview with them about Monique and to apologize, but she declined. She said she could sense this was more about getting in contact with Monique so that she could continue to financially support them. Damn shame. You can see the video here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dvPQuEjp4E&playnext_from=TL&videos=A-uJ13soRn0
It is easy to say what you would say or would say, would do or wouldn't do in a situation like this. You'd actually have to be in it to really know. As for the family being dysfuntional, sexual abuse is not the only dysfunction. Most families have some sort of issue. Pray for them as they try to heal and understand this. One thing about this type of situation does not go away overnight.
There is no need to attack Oprah, she is a talk show host who deals with issues, real issues and has always tried to shed life on the silent abuse that goes on in this world and this country and this interview was just another step and while Nothing was solved in the end, it did give us a little bit more knowledge and conciousness so that we may be able to see things like this in our own lives. This crap does happen.
The issue of sexual molestation is not something for an audience. The issues that really needed to be discussed should have been brought up with a trained therapist who has experience with not only sibling molestation but also family dynamics within families.
NOT READY FOR PRIME TIME
Novanova,
When you said, "We have a bad habit of sacrificing our females in order to protect our men which only encourages bad behavior," no truer words have ever been spoken. All too often, in our community, we sweep issues of rape and incest under the rug--especially if the victim is female.
Gerald spent time in jail/prison for sexually abusing another little girl, and the family still thinks the situation is, in the words of the other brother, "blown out of proportion." No one benefits from denial.