Important or Upsetting? Mo'Nique's Brother Discusses His Abuse of His Sister On Oprah
I didn't see the whole interview. The clips I found of it were more than enough to make me uncomfortable as Mo'Nique's brother Gerald Imes discussed how as children he sexually molested his sister. Oprah interviewed Gerald, as well as he and Mo'Nique's parents about the abuse and the whole thing was unsettling. Largely because even though Mo'Nique OKed the interview with Oprah, she chose not to participate, making the whole thing seem like one part an examination of how deep denial can run in a family that has held the secret of abuse and another part uncomfortable exploitation featuring an odd apology from Gerald.
You can read about Mo'Nique's personal account of her abuse here on Essence.com. You can also read about Oprah's interview here and watch clips here.
I think what bothered me the most is that the brother (and the parents to some extent) seemed to believe that it was up to Mo'Nique -- the victim -- to essentially get over what happened and bring their family back together. The reality is Mo'Nique was abused and her own brother also claims he was sexually abused, pointing to a much bigger and deeper problem. It's not Mo'Nique's job to "get over" her abuse for the sake of the family, it's the family's job to acknowledge the abuse, apologize and respect whatever decision she makes from there. And if that decision includes having nothing to do with her brother that should be respected. No one should be questioning why she, as a child, appeared "close" to her brother even after the abuse took place. The man is her brother, after all, and the pressure to keep things "normal" had to be tremendous.
What did you think while watching it? While Oprah spoke from her own experience as someone who was sexually abused as a child, some of the interview still felt exploitive to me. That it was more about the family wanting to prove that they weren't "monsters" rather than actually getting to heart of what causes the abuse of both your children to take place without a parent noticing and what better reactions parents need to have when they discover sexual abuse in their families. Because doing nothing and expected those abused to get over it isn't much of a solution at all.
Danielle Belton | 33 Comments | Share Article | Email Article | Print Article | tagged Mo'Nique, media, oprah winfery, sexual abuse 
Reader Comments (33)
it seems like it was more about making themselves look good then actually taking responsibility for the abuse
I only caught the last 20 min of the interview..and it disgusted me. Oprah shouldn't have given them the opportunity to air more of their dirty laundry on tv..it was exploitative and didn't offer any type of resolution. For them not to understand why Monique is estranged from them is beyond me.
I was absolutely horrified watching her oldest brother trying to make it about him, the other brother in the audience laughing it off as not as bad as it sounded, and her parents saying she should have handled it in house. She tried to handle it in house and their response was less than adequate. I'm waiting on her brother to come out with a book. I can't figure out any other reason for him getting on the talk show circuit. Oh wait, he's an ex-con, probably unemployed. I guess he needs a few dollars. Maybe his laughing brother and his trifling parents can hook him up.
It seemed like they were angry with Monique - particularly the brother in the audience and the father. They actually had the nerve to ask "When did Gerald become this monster?" Oprah replied "The first time he put his hands on her."
I don't think they did themselves and favors by coming forward and am surprised that Oprah would even put them on her show.
The younger brother in the audience had this deplorable smirk on his face. He was acting like there was no strife or upheval in the family all while wearing said smirk. At least Gerald looked like he had remorse. I'm not convinced the rest of the family is remorseful.
I watched the entire show and the whole time I couldn't help but think "Why didn't Oprah have some kind of neutral third party on the stage with her...like a family therapist or some such?" The issue of sexual abuse has always been complex and can't be solved in an hour but I can't help but see the show as a tad exploitive rather than healing.
It's obvious that Monique's family (as most families do) needs therapy. Not some world stage for people to make ill informed judgments against her brother's neurosis.
I think it was courageous of that man to admit what he had done to his sister. Shit is embarrassing to say the least. But the fact that Monique was not present spoke VOLUMES.
I kept wondering if Monique was offered the opportunity to appear as well because if not this show really silenced her even though they played clips about what happened. I really think the parents did not take enough responsibility for what happened. The idea that this is an "in house" phenomenon silences monique and treats what happened like it was her fault. I really felt that there was a lot of victim blaming going on.
More Than Enough 2 Make you UnCOMFORTABLE - That's A Good Thing...you DONT Condone, you are Decent & Normal....
BLESSings
I would cut both those toxic crazy brothers out of my life, never speak to them again, but to tell them how I felt one time and give myself closure. However I would probably go to therapy with my parents to see if we could still have an amicable relationship, if not she tried and needs to move on.
All I will say is that I can see why Monique was gracious but ultimately wanted nothing to do with that debacle.
So Very Sad.....Just Sad
These people would NEVER EVER EVER EVER be within 10 feet of my being if I were Monique... OOOOMMMMGGG!!
They really needed an expert for this show ... someone who could help the family understand how they should have handled the decision from the start (possibly preventing the abuse of the second victim) and why they shouldn't expect anything from Monique now. The family doesn't "get" it, and I don't think this show helped them or the audience get a better understanding of family abuse.
This family had no business being on TV and I can't believe Oprah would be so arrogant to think she could handle such a situation. Just because she herself is a victim of sexual abuse does not make her a medical expert able to interview or speak on someone else’s situation.
Like Bonnie said where was the family therapist or medical expert to offer guidance?
Just SMH.
The sad thing is I saw 2 parents who were very ill-equipped (as most parents were pre-80s IMO and probably still are today) to deal with such an issue.
Fast forward to yesterday and it appeared to me that they still have not acquired the parenting know-how needed to handle this; thus the denial and confusion.
Even sadder, I saw 2 children who were BOTH victims of abuse, neither of which IMO has probably received the type of counseling and guidance needed to heal - each as an individual or as siblings.
Speaking out publicly is one step, cutting off abusers is another, but there also needs to be work with a therapist to also help the victims heal.
It’s obvious that the entire family needs therapy. They are all victims of an unfortunate tragedy.
DivaLive, thank you. I was thinking the same things. Who and the heck does Oprah thinks she is? She is a talk show host. Not a family therapist. She sickens me and I am glad the brother stopped her when she wanted to take things to a level that is was not at. He called her to come on her show. Monique did put the molestation out there and told the world it was her brother, what was he suppose to do? I understand the parents and sibling wanting Monique to discuss the matter with them first. Who knows they probably would have went to counseling as a family, the parents did not know how to handle the knowledge back then. America has no right to judge them. I have never been molested and my heart goes out the victims of such cruel and demonic behavior. Moniques brother needs healing and restoration and so does Monique. He admitted he was wrong in front of america. Monique must decide instead of telling everybody about it, to forgive him, She does not have to let him around her kids, I get that, however she must release him so she can be heal. He said he made it right with God, good for him God will know if that is true. I cannot judge him. I hope he finds healing in his life. He knows it was wrong. He is ashame. If you did not see the whole interview please watch it again.
I hope the whole family including Monique gets counseling so they can move on as a family.
See what Oprah does, hmmm...
I am a black pediatrician who heads a child protection unit at a major children's hospital. From the time we were brought here in chains, we were sexually exploited. Until we, as black people, stop minimizing the incidence and effect of sexual abuse in our community, we will not improve this situation. This behavior is multi-generational. Children do to others more vulnerable what was done to them. They act out their anger and hurt. Mothers must protect their children. Fathers/men need to understand that women and children are not to be abused. Black churches don't address this. We ignore that the number one cause of mortality for black women between 25 and 45 years of age is HIV/AIDS. We are very sexually active but no one wants to talk about sex.
I am a black pediatrician who heads a child protection unit at a major children's hospital. From the time we were brought here in chains, we were sexually exploited. Until we, as black people, stop minimizing the incidence and effect of sexual abuse in our community, we will not improve this situation. This behavior is multi-generational. Children do to others more vulnerable what was done to them. They act out their anger and hurt. Mothers must protect their children. Fathers/men need to understand that women and children are not to be abused. Black churches don't address this. We ignore that the number one cause of mortality for black women between 25 and 45 years of age is HIV/AIDS. We are very sexually active but no one wants to talk about sex.
THANK YOU LOLLY! A professional point of view is what we needed. Similarly Physical Abuse has the same ramifications as what you described: whippings anyone?
Lolly thanks for your perspective.
I was greatly disturbed by Monique's family's lack of acknowledgment of 1.) the crimes that took place in their home 2.) their continued culpability in the matter 3.) Monique's right to process and speak out against the abuse in whatever way she sees fit, including in the public arena.
Her family was sad...and disgusting...and disappointing...and seemingly clueless. I was especially disturbed by their insistence that they did not want her to act like everything was normal. If that were truly the case, why in the heck did they bring her sexual offender brother back into the family just two weeks after she reached out to them and told them about the abuse?
I really hope they find a new "spiritual advisor" - one who doesn't insist on appearing on the Oprah show with multiple gold chains and pink cuffs on his jazzy clergyman suit.
I listened to the whole interview as I was doing something else and I must say, I whipped my head in the direction of the television in disgust, several times. Sad people. Why did he go on Oprah? I hope he was not looking for support from the world. Her family looked really simple. Unfortunately, thats all too common in our community. We have a bad habit of sacrificing our females in order to protect our men which only encourages bad behavior.
I understand their not wanting to air their dirty laundry in front of the world(which makes their Oprah appearance even more suspect/as I said, "simple") but this is part of /Moniques testimony/story and she has every right to speak about it.
I don't know what is in Mo'Nique's heart or mind, but if she said she has forgiven her brother then I accept it no questions asked. Forgiveness does not mean one has to have a relationship with the one who has offended them. It means letting go so that person and their offence can nolonger control you.
I watched the entire interview.
In my humble opinion both Gerald and Mo'Nique's parents are in need of some serious therapy.
I don't think Gerald has yet to fully understand the extent of his actions and even though Mo'Nique and he had a relationship after the abused ended he fails to understand that those scars run deep. Mo'Nique carrying on with a brother sister relationship with him even though he abused her was probably her way of trying to find some sense of normalcy of, in some ways wanting to be ok.
Her parents made me cringe and in some ways I was embarrassed for them. It showed their lack of education and ability to think deeper that what is seen on the surface. They don't understand the nature of the abuse and they think that Mo'nique disconnected herself from the family for something other than what Gerald did to her.
The whole thing was very sick and sad. Her parents and brother need to be educated. Gerald had his pastor/bishop in the audience but even the pastor who tried to speak more eloquently is just as uneducated on the nature of abuse.
They all need therapy.
I think it's horrible that Oprah gave these people a platform. Yes, sexual abuse is a serious issue that needs to be raised but please have some sort of expert on there. Don't just exploit a bunch of pseudo famous dysfunctional folks who tell their story with no type of "where do you go from here?"
I didn't see the entire interview. But I kept wondering why did he need to do this on Oprah? Why was Oprah even allowing him to use her show as a platform? It just seemed like this was more about him and his parents than it was about Monique.