Wait? What? You say the party doesn't involve me and a bunch of Cabbage Patch Dolls and some My Little Ponies wearing a frou-frou dress and sipping Earl Grey while snacking on macaroons? You lie, sir! You LIE!
Thousands of tea party activists descended on Washington Thursday to air a variety of demands – from the repeal of new health care legislation to the abolition of the Internal Revenue Service and a taxation system they say punishes initiative, to a fuller embrace of Israel – even as organizers encouraged them to unite and shift their focus toward the 2010 congressional elections.
“It is great that we all come together and have these rallies,” Amy Kremer of the Tea Party Express told a crowd of several thousand protestors gathered under a warm midday sun on Freedom Plaza a few blocks from the White House.
Oh. It was THAT kind of Tea Party! I don't like those. I don't think that's the sort of place a nice, nerdy, snobby, "Librul" black girl goes. (Or any kind of black person for that matter.) Papa Snob loves to watch the CNN and try to pick out the black person at the Tea Party. (He also plays this game while watching the Cardinals play at Busch Stadium and ... well ... he does this everywhere actually. It amuses him.) So far the only black Tea Partiers of note I can think of was that crazy dude in St. Louis who claimed some Obama supporters beat him senseless (when they didn't) and that guy who brought the gun to the Obama rally. So black Tea Partiers are a real thing, but rare, like a wild tiger in India or chupacabra. I've never met one, but I've HEARD of them. Represent, you crazy diamonds!
Right now it's spring in Washington, D.C. and the trees are blossoming and the earth is a lovely emerald green as everything is growing and popping up with vigor. The sun is shining. Birds are chirping. And people are protesting as we enter the delightful spring where D.C. becomes the most idyllic place to stage your populist uprising! Viva la Revolucion! Nothing like winding down Pierre Charles L'Enfant's (hat tip to Benjamin Banneker!) crazy pants notion of civil engineering that we call Washington, D.C.'s streets. These things were NEVER meant to deal with cars. Never. And I keep trying to imagine horses and buggies and I'm just as perplexed. I just see broken wheels and horse-flesh EVERYWHERE in the madness, but then everyone was probably a lot slower then, being "olden times." Pretty city, despite this. Gorgeous, actually. But not driveable. I'm from the Midwest where entire states are just straight lines for cars and mega parking lots. Very driveable. Not pretty, but driveable. I could just turn off the brain and plod down Halls Ferry in a straight line for HOURS.
But I digress. What a gorgeous excuse to get out doors and raise a fuss in the name of ignorance! Can you really blame the Tea Partiers? Can you BLAME THEM? The weather is smashingly good! (Save for the pollen.) One just can't resist cobbling together a hateful homemade sign and running to the Capitol to scream about how you want to take your country back from secret Muslim Kenyan socialists and thuggish ruggish, Daley-esque Chicago Democrats who love them. I mean, it so much fun! How can one resist?! It's Woodstock for LaRouche supporters!
Of course, the Tea Partiers got a collective wedgie out of fear that some leftist infiltrators (really?) from the folks at CrashtheTeaParty.org would eff up their good time by pretending to be Tea Baggers and carrying ever more misspelled signs and saying mockingly hateful things, further slandering a group that does a pretty damn good job of slandering itself.
But their fears were mostly for naught. With the weather being so darn nice (and people needing to do more important things like file their taxes on Tax Day), not a lot of people actually "crashed" the party ... or did they? After all, they were "infiltrators" -- a form of Leftist pod person (or worse, Terminator. I thought I saw something that looked suspiciously like a T-888 on the mall yesterday). And even the educated sometimes struggle to tell the difference between a real Tea Partier and the people who mock them. So hard. It's almost like that game in the newspaper with the two pictures where you circle the seven things that are wrong with the image!
Anyhoo. I'm still going to just enjoy the weather as I'm not really mad enough to protest anything other than commenters who body snark on Malia Obama. Lord, I almost was ready to fire off the mother of all rants in Gawker's comment section over a picture of Malia Obama where some asshat dared to say that she was an uncute child, until I reminded myself "this is Gawker" in the "THIS IS SPARTA" voice and moved on.
But for serious. Don't body snark on the Obama daughters. I will stab you. They are gorgeous and adorable and seem to be taking this whole EVERYONE'S UP IN OUR BIDNESS thing amazingly well. One shoudl only wish them the best and if they have bad things to say they should keep them either to themselves or only express them among their fellow Tea Baggers. The Obama girls are children and did not CHOOSE to this life. They don't need folks giving them complexes for breathing up all the White House air conditioning. They're supposed to breathe it up, dammit.
And on a random note: Why does DayLife list Malia Obama as a "musician?" Did she drop an album I didn't know about? EXPLAIN!